One time I had an interview with David Burkus who wrote the book “Friend of a Friend” and he told me something borderline funny and incredible. He told that if my friend has a fat friend, the possibilities of me becoming fat are a lot higher.
We are all, in very subtle ways, sometimes without even knowing it, being influenced by what other people are doing.
Maybe you are trying to lose weight, but your colleagues at work put a box of fresh doughnuts on top of the desk. You will be more likely to eat one of those doughnuts.
Maybe you are trying to save for retirement, but your friends are constantly encouraging you to spend more money in fashion, restaurants, bars, and vacations. You will be less likely to save for retirement.
I just had a coffee date with a friend. During our conversation, he felt compelled to check the text messages he was receiving. At that moment, I felt ignored and disrespected and I felt tempted to check my phone as well.
What happens is that we are constantly picking up on the behavior of other people. This is a survival mechanism that we inherited from our ancestors.
We are constantly influenced by our environment and we have to be aware of it. We have to make sure the decisions we are taking are our own decisions and not decisions under the influence of others.
Once we are aware of how our environment influences us, the next step is to ask ourselves: How can I protect myself against undesired influences.
How can you protect yourself against undesirable influences?
- Values affirmation
- Look for support (virtual or in-person)
- Change your environment.
Value affirmation
Value affirmation is the process of affirming your values before making a decision. For example, one of my values is to save for retirement. If one of my friends asks me to go to a bar, I would ask myself: “Is this decision aligned with my values?” If the answer is “no,” then I will be more comfortable declining the invitation of my friend. After many value affirmation instances, those values become solid and you don’t have to reaffirm them anymore. Also, your friend will stop asking you to go to the bar with him.
Look for support.
Often, our value system is not strong enough, and we need outside help. This help could be virtual help or in-person help. For example, I can read personal finance books or listen to podcasts that continue reinforcing the value of saving for retirement. Or I can have a mastermind group or just one person who motivates me to reinforce the desired values.
Change your environment
By changing your environment, social contagion can be used positively. Imagine what would happen to your life if all your friends had good eating habits and did exercises? You will probably do the same. If we spend our time with people who already embrace the habits we want to adopt, our journey to a better self would be so much easier.
Jim Rohn said it best. “we are the average of the five people we spend the most time with.” Are you going to become a victim of negative influence or are we going to look for the support of people whose values are aligned with ours?
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