People are not only dying of Covid-19, they are also dying of loneliness.
As a guy, I hate to admit it. I feel lonely. I am starving for human connection and friendship.
That’s not something we guys do. We hate dealing with our emotions, this is what women do, isn’t it? We don’t even know how to express any emotions other than happiness and anger.
Before Covid-19 I had an active social life. I was a member of two social clubs, I used to dance every week, I had places to go, people to see. But now, due to Covid, all that has come to an end.
I still see my French teacher once a week. We do our class while we walk outside in the cold.
I have another female friend who lives in the native reserve Kahnawake. I see her and her husband about once a month.
I chat with a cople of guys about the stock market. What to buy and what to sell.
And I see my neighbor Cheryl and her friend Raja.
But I work from home and I don’t have any other friends nor activities other than my work.
I hate talking on the phone. How do people do it? My friend Cheryl speaks to her mother for an hour. I, the maximum I can speak to my mother is about 5 minutes.
I hate Zoom meetings. I gave up my Toastmasters club. We were meeting on Zoom and I just found it draining. I rather deal with my loneliness than spend another hour looking at people on a screen.
I find that women can maintain relationships by phone. My mother spends about an hour every day calling the same circle of friends, checking on each other. I don’t even have a phone plan ( I pay my phone by the minute).
I think that men express their friendship by doing activities together as opposed to talking to each other.
When women meet at a restaurant or a coffee shop, they look at each other’s faces, they look into each other’s eyes, and they can’t stop sharing their lives.
For men, it’s as if they prefer to be shoulder to shoulder, looking in the same direction. Go to a coffee shop and see how men talk to each other. They are very seldom facing each other. Their bodies are positioned at an angle, with their body open to the exterior.
As an immigrant, I feel more isolated.
I envy people who can go and visit their mother, brother, sister, niece, uncle. They can just hop into their cars or on the metro and there they are, hugging and chatting with each other.
For me, my closest relative is hundreds of kilometers away.
I go to my country (Colombia) during the winter, but this year, due to Covid, I decided not to travel. .
As a man, I tell myself that I am strong, that men don’t cry, that I have been through worse, and that this too shall pass.
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Comments
2 responses to “Men Feel Lonely Too. Loneliness is the second epidemic we are fighting”
Alain, I am sad to read that you’re emotionally stunted. What you are saying may be common among men, but not all of them suffer from this. Myself I can experience a much fuller range of emotions than what you describe. You are right that women have stronger affinity for emotions, which is why men need to learn from them about that.
To me it seems like you are scared of your emotions. You are running away from them at the first opportunity. Your mother is probably the best person to talk to, yet after 5 minutes you escape under pretense of not liking to use the phone. You have to be willing to go outside of your comfort zone to grow. Face your fears and stop making excuses.
You often brag that you don’t consume much TV, but myself I watch some and often I find myself crying when I experience emotion through the characters. That might be something to consider and it’s a good way to relax. You would need to find the right kind of shows/movies for you.
If you want to improve as a podcaster, you need to become a good listener and connect emotionally with your guests. That will let you figure out good follow up questions on the fly and the interviews will feel less scripted.
Your friend,
Arthur
Thank you so much for your comment Arthur,
This is the amazing thing about blogging. I get to connect with the whole world.
Yes, I am working on having a bigger palate of emotions. It takes time.
I also agree with you in reconnecting with my mother, but I still hate talking on the phone. Often I see her when I go out on vacation. This year it has been difficult due to Covid, but I can’t wait until I hug her again.
I am glad TV works for you. For me, I rather not open that Pandora’s box. I have lived most of my life without a TV. However, I do get into the emotions of characters in the books I read. I read one hour every day, and often I find myself full of excitement when I read a good chapter.
I have found podcasting to be very difficult. I have never been a good talker. In addition, I am always second guessing my English grammar or pronunciation, but I am finding it easier every time I record a new episode. I think in one more year, I will begin to feel more comfortable with the whole conversation thing.
Thanks again for stopping by. 🙂