What do people want in life?
If you ask most people, what do they want out of life, most they would say that they just want to be happy.
Some times they would say that they would like to have more money, a better partner, a better job, but what they really want is to be happy and they believe that having those things, relationships, and access to power is what will bring them to happiness.
What are you doing to be happy?
However, if I ask most people what are they doing in order to become happy, I get a blank stare and silence.
Impediments to happiness
Many people have the “When… Then…” mindset.
- When I lose 5 lbs, then I will be happy
- When I get a partner, then I will be happy
- When I get a raise, then I will be happy
- When I get 10,0000 followers, then I will be happy.
Guest what? It doesn’t work that way. It’s like chasing the horizon. When you get there, the horizon has moved further. Once we achieve a goal, our mind is already set for another goal. That’s human nature. Our minds are always looking for new stimuli.
I have based my happiness on the “When… Then…” system but It hasn’t worked. I have been happy for about 5 minutes and then the happiness is gone because I am already thinking about the next goal. In fact, it’s this human insatiability that keeps our society progressing.
However, when you have this kind of mindset, you are telling your brain that your happiness is conditional on a short term outcome.
Looking for happiness in the wrong places
A lot of people give a lot of weight to money and beauty when it comes to happiness. But those things, don’t make us happy.
Money doesn’t make us happier. There have been several studies comparing the happiness of millionaires with regular people and the millionaires were not happier.
Beauty doesn’t make up happier: Many people consider fashion models to be among the most beautiful people. A study called “Happiness and Dispair on the Catwalk” shows that fashion models who are considered among the most beautiful people are also some of the less happy people.
Winning the lottery doesn’t make you happy. There have been several studies that measure the level of happiness of lottery winners, and after the initial bump of happiness for being a winner, after a couple of months, they return to their normal level of happiness. In addition, because most of them were not good with money, many of them went bankrupt after a few years.
Benefits of being happy
The obvious benefit is that your quality of life is much better. Looking forward to each day is much better than dreading each day.
Money
But there are many side benefits to happiness. To begin with people think that earning more money will make them happy, but in fact, it’s the other way around. Being happy makes you more money. So, instead of working and extra hour how about if you invest that hour in being happy? Money is a byproduct of happiness, not the cause.
Health
When you are a happy person, your immune system is stronger and you get sick less often. Also, happy people live longer. On the other hand, unhappy people can suffer chronic depression and unhappy people can pay the ultimate price which is suicide.
How do we become happier?
Mindset
By nature, our brains have a negative bias. We tend to focus and look for negative things. This negative bias tendency is what allowed us to survive in the African Savannah. This is why we see so many negative news on TV or on social media because it catches people’s attention.
The way counterbalance this negative bias is to create a habit of focusing on the positive things. Whenever I feel overwhelmed, I just think that there are millions of people who would do anything to be in my situation and to have the kind of problems that I have. At least half of the world would be happy to change places with me in any one of my worse days.
Activities
People are happy when they do things that they like. Here are some suggestions:
- Reading
- Writing
- Walking
- Swiming
- Spending time in nature
- Cooking
- Painting
- Doing competitive sports
- Doing any kind of musical activity
The list goes on and on, but you get the point. The important thing is to budget time in your schedule for those activities. I make it a point to exercise and read every day.
Spending time with other people, friends, and family
One of the biggest advantages of our modern society is that we have enough resources to live in our own place, instead of sharing a house with kids and grandparents. Millions of people live by themselves in their houses and/or apartments. And although it seems like a desirable luxury, it also brings us to isolation, loneliness, and depression. This is why, in general, the average Philippino, who lives in a multigeneration household, is a lot happier than the average North American who lives alone in their apartments.
No, I am not asking you to start living with your parents and grandparents, but there are ways to feel less isolated.
We are social animals. We are happiest when we spend time with others. Everyone searches the feeling of belongingness. We crave to be part of a group of people who think alike and who like the kind of things that we like.
The low hanging fruit is to maintain a relationship with our families. To make that regular call or visit to our mothers or sons/daughters, that has immense value on our happiness. It makes us feel connect and part of a unit.
The next stage is to strengthen the relationships we have built in the past. We all know a group of individuals with whom we have enjoyed spending our time, but due to lack of time or laziness, we have lost connection. Remember, being happier can add to your income and to your longevity, so reconnecting with those people you like has great monetary and quality of life rewards.
The final stage is to create new relationships. This might seem difficult at first, but it’s actually one of the most efficient and ways to get some happiness. There are hundreds of Meetups groups that meet in person, group activities, sports activities, recreational activities, clubs where we can go to meet people who have similar interests.
I belong to a group club, McGill Toastmasters where I go to practice public speaking. I organize dinners or lunch together with friends. I am part of another group called LinkedIn Local Montreal. I go to salsa/tango clubs, and I make it a point to have regular lunch, dinners, and coffees with an array of individuals. I am best friends with my neighbors.
Yes, there is the odd time when, in spite of all those social activities, I feel lonely, but those moments are few and far in between.
We have to be proactive in looking for ways to be happy. The tools are there. When you are happy, other people around you become happy as well. by looking after your own happiness, you will be spreading the same happiness to others.
Related Posts
Connect with me
I would love it if you connect with me via social. You can find me on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn, YouTube and Instagram.