Last month I wrote about How To Have Wedding for Under $1,000. Unfortunately, not all weddings last forever. Ideally, a person would find the love of their lives, get married, and stay together for eternity.  But people change, priorities changes, or sometimes we get married for the wrong reason and the sad consequence is a divorce.

A divorce can be one of the most difficult stages of one’s life, or it could be a peaceful agreement between two partners who decide to go separate ways.

In my case, I was so lucky because my ex-wife and I are still friends, but not everyone is so lucky. Or even if your divorce is amicable, there might be so many issues that require professional help, issues such as the separation of complex assets, child care, business partnerships, etc. In those cases, you may need to buy from Peters And May to make sure you’re not missing any important issues.

My own divorce

My marriage lasted for about 4 years. It was a wonderful experience. I spent 4 years of my life with a woman who I admire and respect (see her profile here). And up to this moment, we are still good friends. It just didn’t work out as a relationship.

Let’s talk about the money consequences

But enough of the sentimental stuff, this is a personal finance blog, not a relationship blog, so let’s talk about the financial consequences of a divorce and how do deal with a divorce in the case that ever happens to you.

I was fortunate enough to have a friendly divorce, a mutual agreement. We didn’t have any complications at all. It was all about filing the proper paperwork and paying the correct court fees. We were not arguing about kids, properties, retirement accounts, none of that. If this is the case for you. If you have a good relationship with your ex- then I suggest you do the divorce papers yourself. It would take you a few hours of your time. If you do it with an attorney it will cost you a few hours anyway, so why not save the money.  Talking about money, our divorce cost us less $1,000. Our only expense was the court fees.

How common is to get divorced

According to statistics studies in the U.S. and Canada, the divorce rate is about 40% to 50%. It varies from year to year. And the divorce rate for people who have already been divorced once is even higher. So if it happens to you, it’s not out of the ordinary. People change, situation change, life is a constant change. It’s normal to get a divorce if something changes in your life. It’s better to get a divorce and move on rather than to stay married because that is what your family, your friends, and society expects of you.

Things to consider when getting a divorce

Separating our savings accounts

This was very painful for me. I was focused on our retirement money since the beginning of our relationship. We were earning good money from our dance school Dance Conmigo, we had about $100,000 between the two of us, and then when we got divorced, I saw that number being reduced in half. It just didn’t have the same feeling. This was very depressing.

Separating the physical stuff

We didn’t have any possessions to argue about. Most of our furniture was old, second-hand stuff. But there was one thing that was difficult. That year we had splurged on buying a very nice bed and mattress. That mattress felt like sleeping in the clouds. I still miss that mattress. But I did the gentleman thing, the proper thing. I said: “You can keep the bed and the mattress.”

Guys, this is not the time to be pitty and argue for stuff that, over the whole scheme of things, is really not that valuable. I suggest being generous. If your spouse is attached to a particular item, let him/her have it. Be cordial, be generous. In retrospect, you will be happy you did.

Amending the will

I owe a lot of money to friends and family. I have gotten into the habit of creating a will every year to keep my account straight and to assure my lenders that if something happens to me, they will get pay.

However, it felt strange to change my will after my divorce. This is how my will was structured before my divorce:

1. Pay all the debts to friend and family
2. The wife gets everything else.

This is how my will is structured right now:

1. Pay all debt to friends and family
2. Give the majority of whatever is left over to mother and daughter
3. Give a small percentage to friends (ex-wife included) as a token of my gratitude for making my life so special.

My wish for you

Getting a divorce can be stressful and emotionally painful. Think that the person you are divorcing is the same person that you promise to love forever. The situation in your life has changed in a way in which living together and sharing your journey is no longer feasible. But don’t stop loving that person. That person was the reason for many moments of happiness and companionship. In spite of your sadness and/or disappointment, don’t let go of those beautiful memories.

How was your divorce?

Please share with us your experience of getting divorced. Was it an amicable one? Was it a bitter one? let our readers know.

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