It would be foolhardy for anyone to say that they have had a happy family life all of the time. After all, we can experience a lot of conflict with our children from when they are little boys and girls that are pushing the boundaries, all the way through to their teenage years when they are their own person and want to do the things that make sense to them despite our disapproval. The problem when our children are challenging us every step of the way is that we can look back and have a lot of regrets about whether we’ve given them the right moral compass. 

Every child can go off the rails in some way where they are acting out, but if they are developing unhealthy behaviors that could be with them for the rest of their lives, what can you do to make sure you are dealing with this properly and effectively?

Showing Them the Repercussions of Certain Behaviors

This can be a major scare tactic that you might think is too extreme. However, it depends on what your child is doing in comparison to what you think they are doing. Much like showing a young child the consequences of certain behaviors or habits, for example, not being able to play with their toys if they don’t listen or having terrible teeth if they don’t brush their teeth properly, you can do the same thing with a teenager. 

Sometimes, showing them the first time felony laws and sentences for petty crimes such as theft, which can be a few months in jail, might be enough to shake them out of it. Sometimes, our children do things without knowing the consequences. They think purely in the here and now, and whether your child is doing something like vaping which has a number of negative health effects, your child may not necessarily care because it’s more important for them to feel accepted by a group of people. 

Showing them what the individual consequences will be, especially with something like theft, is not just taking into account jail time but if they are falling in with a group of people who are more than happy to let your child take the fall, this can help your child to form a bigger picture of what they are letting themselves in for.

Don’t Take Responsibility

This is another thing that we can almost do as a knee-jerk reaction. If you see the signs of your child going off the rails, it is natural to feel like you are the person responsible for it. We can look back and think about what we could have done differently as a parent, but we have to remember that while it is easy to feel regret, there is something we can do about it now. 

Taking the blame doesn’t solve the problem but it’s about making sure that the person doing the deed takes responsibility. There may be things that you have done to cause the issue, but now is the time for your child to own up, as well as yourself, and have a wake-up call and recognize that everybody can make changes that will help everybody in the long run. 

It’s about making sure that you are ready to do everything for your child right now, and this may mean that you’ve got to ask yourself some tough questions but you also have to remember that your child is a completely separate person with their own thoughts, feelings, and emotions. If they get themselves into something it’s important that they know the value of getting themselves out. You cannot solve the problem for them but instead, give them the tools for them to understand what it takes to solve the issue.

Contextualize “Tough Love”

There are many parents who believe that tough love is the best approach to get through to their children. If you place many infringements on your child’s life, for example grounding them, the important thing to remember is that they know why you are doing this. If they don’t understand why they’re being punished for what they are doing, this means they are more likely to repeat the behavior. 

The problem with tough love is that you’ve got to be present and this could mean being suckered into a lot of fights. You need to remember that while you’ve got to lay down the law in a way that you feel is appropriate for your child, they are going to try and take advantage of you at every single turn to get out of the punishment. The problem with arguing is that two people are trying to show they are right, which doesn’t result in effective communication. 

When they know why they are being punished for something but you are also attempting to sow the seeds by helping them to look for alternatives, this makes you a more helpful parent, rather than one that is laying down the law and blaming your child for everything.

Change Your Home Environment

If you feel your child is going off the rails, you need to look at what is causing this. You may have a child that is trying to be accepted by others and they will tell you that some shows parents allow so-and-so to do something, but this is why you got to stick to your guns. Running an encouraging home environment is about understanding what you’ve done in the past to enable this behavior, but it also means that you can now attempt to make more positive steps. 

The trick is not about doing it purely in the short term but about having a plan that you can provide over months and, hopefully, years. It is about making sure you practice what you preach and being an effective role model. 

It can be difficult for us as parents to say that something is wrong when we’ve made the same mistakes ourselves. Because if they see you as being a hypocrite, this gives them permission to do the same things, and the cycle of mistakes will continue. It can take a long time to remedy but there are solutions we can all implement.