How to keep your head down when everything around you is falling apart.
Three years ago, I got caught cheating on my taxes. About eight years ago, I ran an Airbnb business and didn’t declare all my income. I truly believed I could get away with it, but somehow, the government found out and asked me to explain my income discrepancies. I had no explanation, and after several letters requesting more information, the government determined that I owed a significant amount of money and they gave me 12 months to pay it all back.
The first emotion I felt was overwhelming anxiety. I was constantly worried about how I would manage to repay the debt. When I went to bed, my mind was racing trying to find a solution. The more I tried to force myself to sleep the more elusive sleep became. My bed, once a place of rest, felt like a battleground where my thoughts would not let me in peace. I felt helpless, alone, in the dark knowing that the debt would still be there the next day.
Then I felt shame and guilt. I confined myself to my friends and family, I cried on their shoulders. I felt so embarrassed and questioned my bad judgment every day.
It wasn’t just about the money I had to pay, it was also the emotional toll that was affecting my mental and physical well-being.
Since I didn’t come up with any solution on my sleepless nights, the default was to endure my anxiety and shame one day at a time and console myself with the knowledge that others have faced similar difficult circumstances and they have survived.
One day I was watching the movie The Titanic, I was struck by the scene where the musicians continued to play calming music on their violins as the ship was sinking. This scene made me realize that when life presents us with challenges beyond our control, the only thing we can do is keep our heads down and stick to our daily routines.
Routines and rituals help us make sense of the world. Routines, such as waking up at the same time, and rituals such as enjoying that first coffee to transaction form the sleeping state to a gradual return of consciousness. They help us navigate through an unpredictable life by giving us something familiar to hold onto.
In life, there are moments when forces beyond our control can sink our ship. The economy may crash, our partner may break up with us, or we might lose our jobs, or the apartment where we live. In these moments, we have a choice: to despair and give up or to continue “playing our violin”—to keep doing the things that give us meaning and purpose, to continue teaching the dance classes, to continue doing the photography work, to put our head down and continue doing the work.
The Uncontrollable Forces in Life
There are many situations in life where no amount of effort, planning, or preparation can change the outcome. These are the moments when we realize that control is often an illusion. Economic downturns, natural disasters like the fires in northern Canada or California, health crises like Covid—these are all forces that can make us feel helpless.
But while we may not be able to control these external circumstances, we can control our response. This is where our true power lies. It’s easy to feel defeated when everything seems to be going wrong, but our strength of character is demonstrated not by what happens to us, but by how we respond.
“It’s not what happens to you, but how you react to it that matters.” – Epictetus
The Choice to Keep Going
When the world feels like it’s crashing down around us, the choice to keep going—despite the odds—becomes an act of courage. It’s about putting our heads down and continuing to do the work that matters to us, the work that defines us. Whether it’s a job, a creative endeavor, or a commitment to helping others, this work is often what gives our lives meaning.
In the movie, continuing to play the violin wasn’t about denying reality or ignoring the severity of the situation. It was about acknowledging the circumstances but choosing to focus on what they could control—their actions, their attitude, and their dedication to their purpose. In our lives, it’s about understanding that even in the face of failure or loss, our efforts are not in vain. Our efforts show our commitment to the things we believe in.
Finding Meaning in the Midst of Chaos
In times of crisis, it’s natural to question the value of our efforts. Why continue to save when I continue getting into deeper debt? Why keep making friends when I always end up feeling lonely? Why continue making these videos when I don’t have many subscribers? The answer is: because our struggle is often the reward, the obstacle is the way. When we strive for something, our lives have some meaning.
The musicians on the Titanic likely knew that their music would not save them or the passengers. Yet, they chose to play on, providing comfort and a semblance of normalcy in a frightening situation. In the same way, continuing to pursue our passions and responsibilities during difficult times can provide us—and those around us—with a sense of stability and hope.
Conclusion: Embracing the Violin
The story of the Titanic’s musicians serves as a reminder that, even when circumstances are beyond our control, we still have agency. We can choose to give up, or we can choose to keep playing our violin, living our day to day life —to keep doing the things that bring us meaning and joy.
In a world that can be unpredictable and often harsh, this choice is not always easy, but it is always available to us. By continuing to do the work that matters to us, we commit to living a life of purpose, no matter what storms we may face.
As for my taxes, I recovered from the anxiety, shame and guilt. I continued living my life, one day at a time, following my regular daily routines, and at this moment I continue making monthly payments to get out of my debt.
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